All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
