he thought i was a dude.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
