I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize