It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
