Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
