So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
