This girl is more easily done than said...
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
