Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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