I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
