your thong is hanging out like whoa
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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