OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
