Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize