yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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