I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
