why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
