an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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