What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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