so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize