And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize