seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
