This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
