am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
