The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize