He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
