Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
