Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
