Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
