So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
