the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
