Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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