So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
