My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
