I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
