he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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