this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
