I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
