Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
