I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
its not stalking. its research.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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