It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
