I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
