And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
