i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
