I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
