i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
