I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
