Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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