it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
