He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
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