We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
