i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
