i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
