i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Bring me that man meat
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize