i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
