New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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