Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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