forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm just crazy horny about you
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
