The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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