Define "chronic" masturbator.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
