these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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