Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We were destined to go to rehab together
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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