they need to just BURY HIM!
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
