maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
