garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
