The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
