and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize