I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
