If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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