Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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