If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
