So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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