today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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