Where is the hickey?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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