I faked an abortion last night.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
