I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize