mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
