the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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