Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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