Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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