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Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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