We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
