Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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