He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
